Tuesday, September 16, 2008

blue pajamas


i threw away tonight
blue pajamas
not just blue
aquamarine
once
the color of postcards
or the deepest part of the sky
a day in may

it was still winter
the first time you wore
new watery blue
jamas
a mermaid on top
we said oh what a beautiful mermaid
you are
mothers heart
thinking
she's no baby
anymore

still in a diaper
a bottle tucked in one arm
time to cuddle one story more
we rocked to sleep
one hand propped against my chest
all those many nights
ago

a big girl bed
much too big
for such a
tiny mermaid
no more rocking
just singing
cuddling
laughing
night night
one drink more
forgot the bear
the other bear
and the other one
go to sleep sami
sami . . .

you learned to sleep
sometimes
we napped every day
together
for nine months

and then it wasn't just us
a new sister
you were the saddest color of blue
i have ever seen
but we made it
me and you

still
waking in the night
crying for someone to cuddle
against
blue mornings
under covers
lets talk about our plan
just a reason
to cuddle
a little more

a new house
asleep next to your sister
no rocking
or singing
a story
or four
off to bed
my little mermaid

now in september
faded to water
blue jamas
today we bought grey and pink
cuddle monster
it says
and we say
that's you
mothers heart
thinking
promise you'll always be
our cuddle monster
my little
sparkling
blue
mermaid

later
under the remnant
of dinner
i retrieve those
blue
pajamas

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was feeling a bit homesick for my girls this morning, then I read this - and now here I sit in the Sarasota library, crying -- it's only been 4 days - missing you tho. Nana

charrette said...

Fabulous. Pure poetry. And I love the ending!

Isn't it amazing how attached we can become to a piece of clothing? I have a few relics from our children that I can't bring myself to throw away either.

Heather of the EO said...

You're just such a brilliant talent. You really are!

Ruth said...

Aww, that's so beautiful!

Elizabeth said...

Jess, you are fearfully and wonderfully made... and the wearer of those blue pajamas is one blessed little girl.