Friday, September 26, 2008

Letter to myself when I was fifteen

I had to walk past my old High School today, and I even made it the entire way without bursting into tears.  This must be a record for me.  I graduated thirteen years ago, and I still get a pit in my stomach and zits when I have to see that place.  So today I was thinking of all the things I wish I had known back then, or that I will try to teach my girls when they are fifteen though I know they probably won't be able to understand it until they're thirty.

Letter to my teenage self:

There will be a day when you will walk out of this small world and into a new one.  The doors will open and your eyes will need to adjust because the light is so bright out here and you didn't realize how dim it was in there.  

You aren't as weak as you think you are, or as sad as you allow yourself to be.  But joy is a decision you will make after you just cannot bear to be sad any longer and it is o.k. to feel weak because even now you are learning true strength.

One day you will be able to laugh about this, the really funny parts, and what you can't laugh about is only because you won't remember.

You're proudest moments will be the ones when you went against the crowd.  Your greatest humiliations will come trying to fit in.

They aren't looking.  They don't matter.  Who is They anyway?

One day, They will still be wishing life were as it was and you will say Life only gets better.

Allow God to do his work in you now . . . the painful, awful work of stripping your false selves, permitting your loneliness and fears and heart to break.  He is drawing you to Himself.     


charrette said...

SO eloquent! I love every word. I'm going to print it out and give it to my 13-year-old daughter right now.

Leaving high school one semester early was one of the best and most liberating things I've ever done. In retrospect, this is my favorite sentence for its relevance and resonance: "You're proudest moments will be the ones when you went against the crowd. Your greatest humiliations will come trying to fit in."

I've spent the rest of my life making amends for the efforts to fit in that I find so humiliating now, and striving to be just the opposite.

Heather of the EO said...

Is it totally lame to repeat Charrette?
Except for that I don't have a thirteen year old daughter.

But once again, a post I love.

And I love the sidebar with the "some days are like this" and "most days are like this" pics. So great!