So this Mom not only Rocks, she also falls flat on her face and begs for mercy.
This is my Help Me Jesus post.
My almost-three year old has been as sweet and easy as pie for the past six months until yesterday when she suddenly went hysterical on me for no apparent reason, and could NOT calm down for at least an hour. I started with jokes, then tried hugs, at one point stripped her and put her in the tub, and ended up stepping over her still freaking out sopping wet little body and praying the neighbors weren't calling the police. I still have no idea what triggered this breakdown, but it left me exhausted, humiliated (the neighbors right outside our open windows), and feeling like a worthless mother who cannot read her child. A failed day.
Being a stay at home mom is hard. There are days like the one I described, that explode like a cheap diaper all over you. And there are a lot of days spent just trying to make it till bedtime. I never know if I'm doing it right. I second-guess myself ALL the time. I'm always wondering what it is my children will need to tell their therapist about me when they are older, and I'm still waiting for my daughter to look at me and say, "Thank-you Mommy, I am sure that I will grow to become an emotionally healthy, well-adjusted, generous adult because of the way you just handled that." There are no guarantees. No six-month evaluations followed by a raise. Not even any way to know if you're doing it right. I struggle every day with the loss of identity that comes with being a stay at home mom.
And it's lonely here in Cheerio-land. Playdates and Storytime are great, but they are spent chasing runaway toddlers, interspersed with two-word conversations with other mothers.
Wal-Mart is hell.
Even on my most ambitious days, when I wake-up with the greatest intentions of being fully-present, with the perfect plan for a wonderfully creative, high-sensory, educational and full-o-fun kind of day . . . it doesn't always work out that way. And I still end the day feeling like I'm not giving enough to either child. Or what if I'm giving too much? This is my world.
No, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm just saying to those who think that being a stay at home mom is a luxury, that yes it is, but it's also hard, and maybe I shouldn't be writing this at 12:30 a.m. when all I can do is whine.
I totally identified with this:Being a full-time parent has more to do with sacrifice than luck
And choosing to stay at home to raise your kids is not a choice that everyone can or wants to make. That is okay. As hard as it is being at home, I can't imagine how hard it must be leaving them every day either. This seems like such a brilliant solution.
This is another related article that examines some of the studies on our culture's isolation and it's relationship to our health.