Thursday, July 23, 2009

Making room

Eventually there comes a day when everything finally fits.  All of the toys fit neatly in the closet. The bulky baby equipment has been given away and the basement is a neat stack of boxes again. The kids fit into an easy schedule that includes nights of uninterrupted sleep.  We manage to fit time in for friends again, and books, and begin to become aware again of what is happening in the world.  My jeans fit.

Which is why it is so ironic that on the day that my car is packed with the last remaining pieces of baby . . . the monitor, a walker, bumper pads . . . that just before leaving to donate my final remnant from the baby era, the subtle but not yet stated assumption being that we won't need them anymore, I would discover that I am pregnant.

I suppose in the way that a woman's intuition just knows things before she really knows, I knew.  My body must have known, which is why it shifted into a sudden urge to clear out, eliminate, make room.  I thought that it was a process of simplifying, making everything fit, when really it was an impulse to make more room; we are having another baby.

I look around, and everything shouts impossible!  Our closets, our finances, our schedule, my jeans.  There is no more room.  Everything just fits.  

Is there enough love in me to give another child?  I love already more than I am capable, so that I think my heart will explode with love.

There will be room.  A woman's body stretches to illogical, nearly unbearable proportions, making room for life.  The loaves will multiply. Our table will expand; we'll buy another chair.  Like the widow's jug, bottomless love.    


Anonymous said...

Wish I could tell you how excited we are for you guys- praying for your health & that little stinker growing daily :) We're so thankful for your expanding family & love you guys!

Forest said...

Seriously I don't know of any blog I would rather read than yours. I love your writing. The style of it.
Congrats on your new gift!
I'm hoping it's a boy to go with your beautiful girls but should it be another girl I would never be offended should you want to name her Sarah :)

Kazzy said...

Yes, a woman's body and heart can reach unbelievable size when called upon to do so. Congratulations on your wonderful news.

Autumn said...

I am tearing up as I read this, the way you describe it all is so true! Congratulations Jess, I'm so happy for you guys!!

Mamma B said...

Jess, I dont know exactly what it is but when I read your blogs I get all emotional...emotional enough to think, to reflect and to praise the One who gave you this incredible gift with inspire me to rethink old thoughts and to regain a new perspective on life and how it really ought to be..full of love and laughter and fun..and free of worry and pressure and pretending...thank you so much,friend,for sharing who you are..what a blessing you continue to be to me!!!! "Mamma B"

Becky said...

oh, jess...i have chills...somehow i just knew. i have been thinking about you so much this past week, and i just knew. i am so excited for you and jim! seriously, if GOd gives us kids as a blessing, it will be blessed. there will be love and belly and finances and closet space. *did you see the pic of the beds lined up in our girls' room?* God is good and all He does is good! love you so much! and pray all goes well! you are a wonderful mother and GOd knows that too! ;)

Ruth said...

Wow Jess, congratulations!

Amber@theRunaMuck said...

I am not pregnant - I don't think,

but I needed this today.

Needed it.

Jo@Mylestones said...

First of all, congratulations. It is happy news, although in a most overwhelming way, I'm sure.
Second, I just love that last paragraph. There is a beautiful faith that shines through in those words. There will be room, indeed.

charrette said...

This is beautiful. I love all the ways our homes, our clothes, our bodies, our hearts can stretch to make room for life and love.

deb said...

I kept meaning to get back here but couldn't find the where of the first reading,
and this morning , remembered how your words had touched me... through my own site, and now I've found and bookmarked this place.
I've only just started reading, but am honoured and feeling a a comfort too.
Please know that you write in a way that touches all the sacred spaces. When I found out we were pregnant with our fifth, after a surgical procedure to eliminate the possibility, deep enough already in fear and the craziness of it all, and me doubting my sanity, I surrendered to at least knowing that more and more is the everything that fills our cups .
Hope you are well.Sorry for rambling.