Friday, July 3, 2009

The Only Piece of Marital Advice I Would Ever Give . . .

I got to be a bridesmaid in my sweet friend Kelli's wedding last weekend . . . isn't she beautiful!?

And it got me thinking . . . and Jim and I talking . . . about marriage.  

It was in the midst of a conversation about another friend, a single friend, one who would very much like to be married, and Jim said, "it's not what he thinks it will be . . . ".  And I didn't get weepy or storm off or burst into tears when he said this, because I knew exactly what he meant.

You are still responsible for your own happiness.

There you go, that's my marital wisdom . . . to anyone single, or married, or wishing they were married, or wishing they weren't married, if you ever wanted to know what I think about marriage, there it is . . . You alone decide how happy you will be, regardless of who, or if, you marry.

(I think maybe this came across too harsh . . . there are very sad marriage stories, I don't ever want to minimize the hurt or sadness involved in some relationships).

9 comments:

charrette said...

Again, great advice. As soon as you think your happiness is your spouse's responsibility, you're in for a ton of heartache and disappointment. I don't mean that to sound calloused either. There's a lot of joy in marriage. But I remember at my sister's wedding the officiator said your bring with you a box containing your own happiness. Sure, open it, share it. But don't expect somebody else to hand it to you. I always liked that advice.

Anonymous said...

I think our husbands are very much alike, I tell him all the time he's bachelor material :) I connect 100% with this blog!!
KZ

Heather of the EO said...

Oh I totally get it. Not too harsh! Just TRUE.

Before we were married, one of Ryan's best friends pulled me aside and said, "Does Ryan make you happy?" I stuttered and stumbled over my words and I didn't know what I was feeling. I didn't know that I was hesitating to answer because I knew at some level even then that it was not Ryan's job to make me happy. It was mine.

Love this post. Of course. when do I NOT say that? :)

Lulu said...

Very good advice... it took me 2 years of dating to figure that one out.

:O OMG

Lulu said...

Very good advice! Took me 2 years of dating to learn that.

:O OMG

Elizabeth said...

Jess... I loved this post. When I read it, it fit so perfectly with something I was reading that day... something that of course I can't pull up right this moment, but something that made me smile to know that I'm not alone in the life lessons I've learned and continue to learn through marriage.

Tim Dunn said...

great advice...im stealing that for times when i do pre-marital counseling (with your permission)

Tim Dunn said...

great advice. i am stealing that for times when iam doing pre-marital counseling (with your permission)

Julie said...

Hey Jess, something I heard once and have carried it with me - "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." My first husband left me and his mother defended him saying, "doesn't he deserve to be happy?" I despised and avoided that word for a long time. Today, I am learning to be content and am remarried to a man who understands that I can't make him happy - and neither can he make me happy. I am content and enjoying the happy moments that I do get. Thanks for your blog - I have enjoyed all that I've read...
Julie (formerly Eichel) Gibbs