Friday, September 10, 2010

around the bend- where it began

I do hope to keep spilling out here a little of what joy means to me . .. 
my lack of joy and search for joy, getting to know joy and finding that she is a quiet and steady friend, not temperamental like I thought, not only arriving with roses and chocolate but steady and a little slow and carrying a pocketbook with tissues and wisdom and those pink mints my grandma used to pass me in church.

 I admit that I do not know true suffering.  I don't know it like my brothers and sisters know it, like those who have gone before me knew it.  I don't know it in the form of earthquakes or persecution or death.
I do not know what true suffering would do (will do?) to my joy, how I will withstand it.  
I don't know how to explain suffering, how to describe joy without addressing suffering, how to make sense of it all.

I only know my own dark night, my own small small suffering that in some gentle, painful way led me to joy.

  I can only tell the way that my journey began, waking up, every day thinking,
 "This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."
And those words were so dull and heavy on my lips, so awkward like a language I could not speak . . . and a prayer once, prayed with small faith and even smaller hope . . . 

that my life would be characterized by joy,

and how that small prayer would lead me to joy . . .

and this is where it took me . . .

May all your expectations be frustrated,
May all your plans be thwarted,
May all your desires be withered into nothingness,
that you may experience the paralysis and poverty of a child,
and sing and dance in the compassion of God
who is Father, Son and Spirit,
Amen and Amen.

-Brennan Manning

1 comment:

Fijufic said...

If you do not know suffering then that is wonderful thing.

Having said that, there is plenty of suffering around the planet.

Perhaps some of these folks could use a little joy in their lives as well. I have met many a missionary who had similar visions. All of them made an impact.

Perhaps it could be in the cards for you.

Peace & Love,