Monday, January 3, 2011

2010 word of the year: Love

It is the first Monday of the new year, the day to begin with purpose, for launching forward toward new goals. But today I find myself avoiding a new year and new goals.  In 2010, goals were clear- I staggered beneath them.  I would have a baby.  My goals were home and mothering and all that came with it.  

The word I chose for the year was Love: pursuing, learning, and growing in Love; and though I still have such a long way to go in living out love, the year was one long lesson in loving and at the end I am more aware than ever of my lack of love but also perhaps more practiced in loving, hopefully a little less selfish and a little more ready to love.  Although I didn’t intend for family to be the sole focus of this word for the year, they are the daily, constant school for learning the hard work, creativity, and sacrifice that true love requires.  Loving isn’t about feeling good or loving those who love me back, and this year I hope to continue to grow in this area.

These were my other goals for 2010:

In 2010 I hope to . . .
Write everyday I didn’t write every day, but I am satisfied given the circumstances.
Read more books Yes.
Begin to homeschool Sami in a montessori tradition Yes, this goal continues.  I hope to blog about what I am learning about Montessori education.
Decorate/cozy-up our home  a little, but things were put on hold when we learned we’d be moving.
Have baby #3 YES!
Cloth diaper yes (not 100%of the time, but most)
Babywear yes (again, not always but as it worked for us)
Plant a garden yes (it was small, but just right for this year)
Can a few things, especially salsa and tomato sauce no canning- did freezer jam, corn, and a few jars of sauce
Jim to pass his P.E. Exam Yes
Find a way to move overseas. no, but we are moving to Cleveland.

Highlights of 2010:

In January we went to Florida.  We were there when the earthquake happened in Haiti, and my heart this year has been so heavy for Haiti. 

I was very pregnant.  
Greatly pregnant. 
Hugely, shockingly, illogically pregnant.

After we got home it snowed and snowed and snowed and I didn't leave the house for two months.
I have never been more thankful to be snowed in.
They were sweet, gentle days with my oldest two as we waited for the baby, and it is a season I will fondly remember.

This year I have been tired, but I will take sleep-deprived tired over pregnant sick and tired any. day.
We started to go a little bit crazy.

March 11, we were so overjoyed and thankful to Welcome Josie Bloom!

Summer was all of the things summer is meant to be- 
friends and vacations and gardens and family reunions,
and getting to know one sweet baby girl.
We were happy to learn that Jim passed his P.E. Exam.

In August Ginny and I met and decided that it was time to let tuscMom go . . . it was the night before Jim's interview, and I left thinking "we are moving to Cleveland."
Sure enough, he got the job and we began preparing to leave the country and move to the city.

In the fall, Sami began to attend preschool.
One Southern Belle turned 5 and Minnie Mouse turned 3.  
The cat fussed.
We sold our house twice.  Then didn't.

I don't write often about my parents on this blog, but they are very much a part of our lives and make everything happier.  We will miss being so close to them when we move.

We had one of our nicest Christmases ever,
and maybe the best week of the year last week spending time with good friends in town.

Looking back over 2010 I am amazed and silenced with gratitude for God's goodness, and mostly His Presence with us, over and under, behind and before us.
2010 was a devastating, heartbreaking year for so many,
but for us there was so much joy and I do not know what to do with that, where to put the contradiction, how to be both weeping and rejoicing . .. 
and yet I am.  We do.  
I pray for mercy.  I give thanks.
Maybe this is love.
The paradox- weeping in one hand, rejoicing in the other-
being present in both, and all that is between.

As I begin going forward into 2011 I am a bit unsure where to start, what to expect for the coming year-
a part of me wondering who I am now, in this new season--
still considering what my word of the year will be,
what goals to set . . .
looking forward anyway.


MommyJ said...

Love your perspective and all the photos... I was illogically huge pregnant once. And I want to read more this year. My book list for 2010 is depressingly sad.

Misha Leigh. said...

This is so beautiful to read! Full of love ...

Elizabeth said...

Jess - What a fun year to look back on! I'm really happy for you guys. You're thought about how to be both weeping and rejoicing and present in both has been rolling around and around in my head since reading this a few days ago. Those are good and true words that I too don't know what to do with, yet understand what you mean when you say you pray for mercy and give thanks. Thanks for sharing.