Tuesday, February 22, 2011

s-p-i-i-i-n-n-n-i-i-i-n-g

My mind, that is.

Spinning.  Spinning.  I can't get off.  I can't make it stoooooooop.
Help.
I don't do well with spinning anymore.  I must be getting old.

Today I tried to take Sami to preschool but the roads were too bad, so we stopped for doughnuts and groceries instead and on the way home some spinning part of my mind was mumbling, Please Lord, I need to think today.  I just need a few minutes so I can think.  Please.  We pulled in the drive still piled with six inches of snow, I got everyone out and strapped the baby in her stroller, asked Sam to push her around and for thirty- no kidding- thirty blessed minutes everyone even the baby was happy and I shoveled heavy piles of grace.


Now it is later and there is a train on it's way to Mexico running through our house today.  Our house is in such disarray, stacks of boxes piles against bare walls, feeling both so crowded and so empty . .. I hate it, this feeling of transition, being neither here nor there . . . so anyway I drug all of the furniture into a line that weaves from room to room and if you're really good and can really stretch you can jump from car to car all the way from the train station to Mexico.  Or you can just sit on a chair and wait for the snack lady to bring you a drink.

The baby is napping, I sent the other two to quiet time, so here is a completely random re-cap . ..

House-hunting.  I never imagined what an ordeal this would be.  We are renting for now, and our standards were pretty simple:  affordable, clean, safe, good schools.  I'll spare you the details, but four days before we are scheduled to move we finally found a house with three out of the four.  Like Jim says, He is rarely early but He is never late.

The one criteria this house doesn't have is a good school, (and yes we have worked through whether we are just being over-protective and no, it is a legitimate concern) and this is actually an answer to prayer because I have been thinking that I'd like to homeschool Sami, at least kindergarten, but we couldn't decide and this makes that decision pretty clear.   Now my mind is whirling with homeschool ideas.  Add that to the list.


Change brings so many emotions.  I can't stop now to think about not seeing all of these beautiful familiar faces every day . . . I won't think about that yet . . . and there is fear, too, and apprehension, and this nagging worry and all of these uncomfortable emotions that I don't care to deal with right now . . . and then there is this deep quiet place that believes and is hopeful and content . . . and so I am thinking about how we'll organize the craft supplies, and where to put the toys, and what to do about the colorless kitchen . . . and I am thinking that I am taking my favorite people with me, and how simple and clear that makes everything else.  And I am thinking about this window in the bedroom upstairs, and that this window is just calling for a desk, and there are bookshelves already built in and I think it will be just the place for an office, and how maybe, just maybe I will look out that window and find there is art to be made in Cleveland.

6 comments:

Jo@Mylestones said...

I've lived exactly this, and so I say with utmost empathy, that I GET IT. Hang in there, because all of this--the chaos, the emotional roller coaster, the bittersweet--it is all part of the art. It is all part of the beautiful story He's writing. Keep living it, my friend.
And I'll see you soon. :-)

Betty said...

Sounds like a lot going on! Hang in there Jess! And as for the homeschooling, regardless of your school system, I think you would be an amazing teacher! Good luck in your transition!

Fijufic said...

Lots of change in a very small amount of time. It can be overwhelming.

The home school issue will be fun for a little while. The kids will really grow. I'm stunned at all the resources people have for home schools now days.

I'm confident that no matter where you live, somehow you will make the dwelling a "home".

Thank you for posting. I love to read journals about people who love their family and friends.

Bobby

Shannon said...

love you friend. :)

at the end of the alphabet said...

I never cry when I read blogs- I'm teary eyed. I'm sad, I would feel the same way with familiar faces, but yet excited about that window- I'm jealous- but I'm sad. I will miss you. Please, blog, a lot.

Tisa Rink said...

wow...love that the schooling decision was made evident for you! so glad you are all together again and settling in. :-)