Friday, September 2, 2011

A New Day

It is quiet.  First day of school today.  The kindergartener?  She slept fine.  I've been awake since four.

Mornings like this I can't let myself get sentimental.  Not going to think about what all this means.  Not going to wonder if I've done everything right these first almost six years, not going to berate myself because I haven't.

Six years ago right now I finished sewing her baby blanket, and in my same sloppy manner last night I stitched her a little pocket heart from the same leftover material.  It's supposed to look like this but it doesn't.  Kind of like the mother I have tried to be, but always seem to come out sloppier and more frayed than I would like.  The loving intention is the same.

To be honest my heart is not settled, I will not breathe a sigh of relief when I drop her off at kindergarten today but rather a breath-held pause of "we'll see."  To be honest a little part of me may be relieved if there happens to be some honest reason why we should keep her home for school.

But there is this new thing budding in her, colors I've not seen before; a startling new confidence grown over the summer.  I sense it reaching out in new directions, peeking around and over us to get a better view.  She is so happy.  I am absorbing her confidence for now.  We'll see.


Fijufic said...

I think it is way worse for you. She is going to not only love kindergarten; she will thrive in that environment.

I know exactly how you feel.

Milestones are more stressful for us than they are for the kids.


Jo@Mylestones said...

I love this: "absorbing her confidence for now..." She really has come into her own this summer, and she will continue to surprise you.
Do you need a distraction today? Feel free to call if need be!

Jaclyn Bercaw said...

Right there with you. It has been hard on me adjusting to all of this and letting go a little. I had my moment late at night after three days. I hate that she is gone more waking hours than she is home. But, she enjoys it, is making new friends and I'm thankful for that. But, a part of me also hopes for an honest reason to keep her home for school. Will be praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Just wait until she's 23 and getting married.

My firstborn did that in March.

The time does fly...relish it while you can.

Janet said...

Blessings to your kindergartener...