The little one and I have both been sick this week, so we are trying to lay low. It is hard for me to do nothing, I feel anxious and worthless. My constant struggle with working from home is the unpredictability, we may have three days out of five that are somewhat normal, but even those spare hours before everyone is awake or during naptime are often full of interruptions, and I am continually trying to work-out how tightly to hold to "my time," and how much to accept as season in life.
I have learned to lean more to the side of letting go of my agenda, and we all are happier. Somehow, the work will get done, for now I want to choose the children. I try to repeat to myself, that's alright, everything is alright.
Yesterday is a good example. I had to run to the library in the morning, and by the time we got there Josie was asleep in her carseat. Of course she stayed asleep through the library, back in the car, and all the way to her bed where she immediately woke up, as I knew she would. It is hard not to be frustrated when this happens, as now not only will there be no nap time, but she will be cranky the rest of the day as well. I'd not accomplished anything all week, and was itching to at least start something.
I ask the Lord constantly how to live my days, and I was particularly desperate as I gritted my teeth and prayed, How do I redeem this day God?
So often when I pray this way I find the answer be to do less. Let go. As Shaun Groves said,
Is it possible that the descending way of Jesus might be God’s way for me?And so I let the day unfold as it would . . . and this is how we spent the entire afternoon:
Josie, still not feeling well, finally crawled up and fell asleep on me, and Annie sat with me and brought me books to read to her for two hours. I was so thankful for this focused time with Annie before her sister is out of school, and I kept thinking that I will not be given many more afternoons to sit and hold a sleeping baby. Day redeemed.
Jenny P. left this quote in her comment recently:
"Yes, men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life."My day is such a small example, but how true that God can "make a lot more out of our lives that we can."
As I've been down this week I have been trying to catch-up on some homeschool reading . . .
I don't intend to read these cover to cover, so I won't be doing a book review, but these are some of the books I am skimming that have come highly recommended . . .
Teach Your Own by John Holt and Patrick Farenga
The Hurried Child: growing up too fast too soon, by David Elkind
The Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise
For the Children's Sake, Susan Schaeffer Macaulay
And, there are two fears that I am learning to get passed related to painting, and that is giving my work and showing my work . .. I always resisted giving my art as gifts for fear that the recipient would feel some obligation to pull the art out from under her bed to hang when I came to visit. I am moving past that, out of the joy of giving a gift that is handmade, and if it remains under her bed I am completely fine with that.
Two, I don't like showing my work because it seems like I am fishing for compliments or something, which I am not! I love to see what other people are creating. So here is a completed painting I finished up last week:
In the interest of our floors and walls, I am switching from oils to acrylics, which clean up with water. This was my first attempt, I don't love working with them but I'm going to keep experimenting. It is just too impossible to keep oils anywhere near the children, and I found that to be a major reason why I wasn't painting.
And now, I am taking myself to the doctor.
Happy June 1!
The very best month of the year!