Tuesday, July 31, 2012

What Is Annoying Me Right Now



That my hands still smell like chicken.

That my four-year old keeps stealing my toothbrush, and planting it upside down in the holder.

The Olympics are annoying, and nbc and all of their pretty people and the fact that they canned Ann Curry whom I love, and Hoda Kotb always annoys me- not that I ever even watch the show.  Honestly.  And it annoys me that I should even have to say that but it is annoying that people assume Stay At Home Moms just watch t.v. all day and that is not at all true I am on pinterest.

Haircuts annoy me.  I don't mean to insult anyone but it has always baffled me why a decent hair cut costs the same as a doctor visit . .. aren't we talking like six months of school compared to, I don't know, twenty years?  And when I have to come home and cut my own hair to fix that expensive bad haircut, that really annoys me.

It annoys me that I can respond calmly to a child's fits of rage 9,000 times, but the one time my voice raises just a notch or is even slightly less than soothing- is when the neighbors will hear me.  And when the child is throwing the fit that is my fault too.  It's annoying that no one can ever just say I remember those days and it was hard hard hard and you are doing just fine.

Phones.  If I have to see one more person glancing at their smart phone at a stop sign, or texting while driving I am just going to lose it.  I'd like to see a National Toss Your Phone Out the Window Day.

Money annoys me, and statistics, ironing, pessimism, competition, control, plucking, rice in a box, judgmental people annoy me.  Feeling judged is annoying, and people who I think are likely to judge me I'm just not sure what for.  Cryptic facebook status annoy me, I always spend at least the rest of the day wondering if it might have been aimed at me even if the subject is something I have nothing to do with.

Cool is annoying.  It is annoying when people do things just because it's cool and not because their gut is really telling them- like gardens, rain barrels, pressure cookers, theology, running . .. it's all cool unless you're trying to be cool and then it is just annoying.  But maybe I am being cryptic and judgmental.

And this is the thing that is really annoying.  Me.  What is annoying is me.

I am annoying because I waste time and give up and am insecure.  I am annoying because I can't let go, I am stubborn about all the wrong things, and indecisive and self-righteous and a hypocrite.  Because over and over and over I look for affirmation or approval or distraction to soothe me rather repentance, rather stillness and rest, to be the Beloved.  I am annoying because what I want to do I do not do, but the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing. (Rom.7)
Unless you're getting fullness of life from God, you can't feed people with life, you can only feed OFF people to GET life.  -Greg Boyd

6 comments:

Brandee Shafer said...

Oh, my. I have had moments like this. I hope your hands don't smell like Chick-fil-A chicken, because that controversy is at the very top of my annoyances list right now. I can't figure out who's the bigger underdog or who has been more wronged or what (if anything) is the correct response to a big, hot hoopty mess and a whole bunch of irresponsible behavior.

Not that you're looking for advice, but maybe it would help to avoid tv and the Internet (i.e., shut down the voices) for a few days. I'll be praying for you, Missy!

ali said...

Amen!

Sandy said...

I am remember those days, it was hard and you are doing just fine...really!

Jessica said...

thanks Sandy! :-)

Jo@Mylestones said...

YES! Oh man, I could've written this. And I love how you put this: "Because over and over and over I look for affirmation or approval or distraction to soothe me rather repentance, rather stillness and rest, to be the Beloved." I wouldn't have thought to articulate it that way, but now that you have, it's an "ahah" moment, one of conviction (which is kindof annoying), and one of relief. Like, hey, I'm not the only one here.
By the way, you NEVER annoy me. EVER. I love you to pieces.

Jessica said...

thanks Jo! The feeling is mutual! :-)