Lent this year was a slow unraveling and my only fast was to fall down, literally, to lie on the floor, daily, more, if the sun shone, to plant my face in it. I learned to put my back to the sky and say nothing and Jesus met me there, he did, don't let me ever forget it, God spoke, He speaks, it sounds so cliche but it's true, seek and you shall find, I was astonished by it again, in the middle of a grey afternoon, in the middle of kids and noise, by the mouth of babes and if he never speaks again to me I have this, and the sunshine.
I wake up and ask myself how is today different, this new life I am given to walk, how am I new today because I don't feel new, I feel hard and brittle and all I can think of is green grass, hard earth, all I can do is lie down, all I can do is press my face again to the sunshine and believe, the heart's hard turning, the heart's slow learning* . . .the sun shines and frozen earth turns, again, I offer up, again, to the light to the slow turning to the softest shoots of green.