Tuesday, April 16, 2013

just write

For two days I have only two children. Sam is staying with my mom and it's just Annie and Josie here while Jim is out of town. It's funny how one less child changes the dynamic, the whole house changes we all sense it and for two days it's a good change; Sam is happy to have a little time away and she needs this too, and I am enjoying a little time to focus on the littles without thinking so much about school.

I love so much getting to know my girls, watching them grow before my eyes. I remember when Sam was a baby thinking how inconceivable that one day she would walk and talk and take on her own personality, and I think of this all the time, what a miracle it is to watch them unfold. So much about them is just in them, they were born with these peculiarities and bents and I love learning them, amazed by their potential and forever a bit shocked by the wonder of them. I imagine myself as an old woman, and my children with grey heads and I know even then, still I will watch them and shake my head bedazzled.

Yes I am confounded by them too sometimes, by their sin nature and I fear for it, the way these small leanings toward selfishness or covetousness or fear and anger will wound and taunt them, the great potential for hurt in their life and I think of what a lifelong battle it is to surrender, to trust, to love and I pray that they will find it early, life that is truly life, their belonging to Abba.

I think about the pathways being formed in their little brains, and the habits already taking root, creating patterns of thought and how can I now coax them early towards gratitude faith hope love joy, how can I teach them, early, to avoid false selves and illusions of the world, how will I teach them these things that take a lifetime to learn escape expose accept?

And the world is dark. Wars and rumors of wars. Bullies, bombs, every night we shake our heads, every night we lay beneath the weight of the world and worry but lately I am struck by this: the strong hope of our calling and the strong love of our Father and the strong power and love and strong mind of the Holy Spirit. I have been thinking about the high calling of faith in a world of fear and of hope in a world of despair and that if we are to be like Noah, in this age, well then, it is to flood the world with love love love, and this is enough, this love.

After quiet time I have promised to take the girls shopping. Why I do this to myself I have no idea, except that Annie loves to shop, Lord help me, and we need to buy a wedding gift, and I need a skirt to wear this weekend. I can hear the girls chattering to themselves, each on a bed for quiet time, and the windows are open and spring has come.

Life goes on in the details, even as the earth trembles and mountains crumble and bombs explode and hearts ache and we shake our heads.

linking up today with Heather to just write.

1 comment:

Ruth said...

Beautiful as always.