Sunday, June 8, 2014

there is only this

(Two roads diverged in a wood and I . . .
curled into the fetal position and cried)

I stayed home from church this morning because I need to make a decision, and as with all decisions I think and over-think and decide and undecide and talk and overtalk and study my enneagram and think about my tendency to dissociate then go clean the house and bake something and rearrange the furniture and finally just sit down and read a book and hope the decision will go away.


(Sometimes you J-types out there really make me crazy because I have no idea how you can arrive at conclusions so quickly.)

But every decision, conflict, anxiety brings me back to this:

Everything, everything depends on abiding in Christ.

I can't follow enough rules, or please enough people, or know my personality well enough or make all the right decisions. There is only to abide in Christ.

Walking anywhere with the children, this is what I know will happen:

Sam knows the traffic rules and thinks she knows where to go, and so she tries to lead the way, always ahead.

Annie is wandering behind, at her own pace, nearly unaware of the rest of us.

But Josie has this little quirk which I love and that is to be always holding a hand. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, I know her little hand will be reaching for mine. She teaches me what it means to abide in Christ.

I could teach Josie all of the rules of traffic and street-crossing and stranger danger, and teach her all of the appropriate responses and directions I know to give; but I'd much prefer that she hold my hand.

Legalism assumes she knows the way and follows the rules, not Christ.
Liberty follows, but according to her own pleasure.

Abiding in Christ is to walk holding onto him.
It is to say in all things, Jesus, Come in
It is to say, in all things, I can do nothing apart from Christ
It is to say, in all things, I know nothing apart from Christ

Before abiding is repentance

Repentance and Abiding in Christ is the only answer to any decision.


elaine said...

This is perfect. Thank you!

charrette said...

Pure truth. Excellent post.

charrette said...

Also, I wish you peace in your decision-making. :)