more ideas than time
I give a lot of thought to finding meaning in life, understanding my purpose, what I could be doing better. On any given day I am thinking about ten possible major life plans. I love my life and the choices we have made, but I am always dreaming about other possibilities.
One day after asking the Lord- again- what is my calling and why do I still not know this? I felt Him say- why not be thankful for how I made you? Why not be glad for all of your ideas and excited by the possibilities? Why would your calling be confined to only one path?
This has given me so much freedom and joy to embrace possibilities. And the contentment again to be where I am, doing what I do . .. to live in the season as it passes.
I'm learning that Calling isn't 100% clear for most of us. And that it changes, sometimes one calling will end and another begin. That a calling may have very little to do with career and everything to do with following Christ in the fullness of life.
I loved the entire process of moving to a new house. All of it- sorting, purging, organizing a garage sale and selling things on Craigslist . .. the packing and planning and juggling the kids . .. working at the new house, stripping wallpaper and painting . .. and then the unpacking, the challenge of making a smaller space work, organizing it all . . It was very invigorating. I felt like my gifts were put to use, and that I was good at it and could thrive in the chaos.
And maybe these are the gifts which will never fit into a specific career, but are important and useful.
I was made to be a mother, it is my deepest calling. Writing and making art, homeschooling my kids, creating a home- what a gift it is to be able to do these things. I still wish some days for the kind of energy and reward and purpose that a career outside the home would give, but I love what I am doing now. And I love the possibilities.
Can you state your identity in a single sentence? No more should you necessarily be able to state your calling in a single sentence. At best you can only specify part of it. And even that clarity may have to be qualified. In many cases a clear sense of calling comes only through a time of searching, including trial and error . . . What may be clear to us in our twenties may be far more mysterious in our fifties because God's complete designs for us are never fully understood, let alone fulfilled, in this life. . . . zigzagging, paintstaking, upside-down, and lifelong process. And that's why it's ultimately so fruitful and rewarding. . . unsure of ourselves, we are sure of God. -Os Guiness, The CallThe Call: Finding and Fulfilling the Central Purpose of Your Life is the best nonfiction book I read this year. Worth reading again every year.
Whoever I am, thou knowest,
O God, I am thine